I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You

Did your spouse ever tell you that?


OR is that how you think you feel towards them?

It’s a confusing statement for sure, that’s why I always address it in couple therapy or the Save My Marriage Online Program and I’m sharing it with you here.

The good thing about it is the “I Love You” means care

And care is necessary for a healthy happy relationship.

So what about the – NOT “In Love”

The majority of us falsely pick up from love stories in tabloids, TV series, celebrity news and movies that once that happens that’s it.

We are taught that Love is something you FIND and then that’s it The END!

That is just NOT TRUE!

Love is a ACTION, it’s not a feeling you get from another person, it’s an experience you receive as a result of taking loving acts for your spouse.

When people say to me they don’t feel love or “in love” in couple therapy I ask them what actions – have they taken to demonstrate their love for their spouse and often they can’t answer.

They often don’t feel “in Love” because they’re not doing anything… waiting for Love to come to motivate them and stuck in a trap.

You Make LOVE in the marriage, you build it through ACTS that show love.

You Can Create the “In LOVE” Feeling Through Actions!

How Do You Do That?

The trick is to give LOVE In the way your spouse appreciates, needs and wants love shown to them.

The problem is we often give our partner what we need and want to receive rather than what is important to them and when we do that we DENY our partner what they most want.

Let’s take the example of Vicky and Mark, Vicky wants affection, cuddles, I love you notes, to hold hands, to be greeted when her husband mark enters the home, to be touched without any expectations of sex. Mark, isn’t really bothered about affection he values physical intimacy and hearing that he’s appreciated and respected. Vicky feeling starved of affection, has been criticizing Mark for being so cold and distant, pushing him further away. In an attempt to repair the distance she tried giving him affection as this was what she wanted. Her efforts were sadly wasted, as Mark doesn’t have a need for affection. In my save the marriage program I focus on the 15 vital relationship needs and have men and women pick out their top 5. If both in the couple are in the program we share them and for individuals single-handedly transforming their marriage we outline theirs and work out their partners.
It’s not rocket science or tricky to do this, you just need to know what vital needs are important to your spouse. What makes them happy.

The point I am trying to make here is that with the correct actions you can create the “In Love” feeling.

If you think about it, there is absolutely nothing in life that is worth having that does not require an effort to both achieve and then maintain.

Things in life either grow or they die

It’s the law of nature

Relationships are no different they have to grow or they also die
They need to be nurtured, paid attention to, cared for, tended to

So as I explain in couple therapy if you want to fall back “in love” or stay “in love”

It’s important to make acts of love part of your daily routine

The more you do the better

as more “in love” you will experience and feel and the more your lover is likely to reciprocate, especially if you
meet their exact needs.

As explained above everyone’s needs are different, it’s crucial to know what you and your spouse want:
whether it’s more excitement, variety, affection, attention, appreciation, fun it’s possible to create and fall back “in love”.

If you partner has said they are not “in love” with you
You’re scared you have fallen out of love or are falling out of love with your partner


ACT now – don’t wait for your spouse

You can make a Huge Shift in your marriage now on your own

In fact the Save My Marriage Program is full of spouses

who single-handedly changed their marriage,

individuals who wanted something better for themselves,

their life and family…

they didn’t want or need to drag their partner along to couple therapy if they weren’t enthusiastic

instead they were able to bring about a transformation through their actions.

You can too! Start today!

I’d love to hear what actions you are going to take.

From my heart to yours, Nicola

Nicola Beer

Marriage Transformation Specialist and Founder of Save My Marriage Program

I specialize in a proven 10 step program to help couples increase the love, passion and happiness in their marriage in 30 days or less…Guaranteed!

Contact or find out more about me at www.nicolabeer.com