Expat Infidelity – 4 Steps To Affair-Proof Your Marriage
Is infidelity more common in expat communities and amongst expat married couples than those who live and work in their home country?
Whilst there are no clear statistics on the incidence of infidelity among couples abroad, most likely because trying to conduct research on expats is a bit like herding cats: it would be impossible to get a representative sample. I can say that as a marriage counselor that works with expat couples all over the world online, it is by far the most common presenting issue I help couples recover and transform their marriage from.
Examining the factors contributing to affairs among expats is futile, a bleak outlook doesn’t help an expat couple remain connected or move forward after an affair, so here are 4 critical steps to support you to affair-proof your marriage or ruin a cheating husband or cheating wife’s affair if it’s happening in your marriage.
I normally cover this in a lot more detail in my private online programs, audio downloads and 1 to 1 sessions, for now I’ll give you the best over view I can to help reduce the chance of an affair and prevent resentment from building.
Expat Infidelity – Tips to Protect Your Marriage from a Cheating Wife or Cheating Husband
Note: The below does not apply to those who have a sex addiction, for sex addiction a different strategy is required – please contact me in confidence on this matter.
1, Recognize that we all have the capacity to cheat.
That we are all vulnerable, that it can happen to anyone and any couple. As more often than not it comes down to needs not being met. If there is any amount of frustration, hurt or resentment about our needs not being met over time and someone comes along and offers us those needs we will be tempted.
Whether that’s attention, affection, sexual needs, engaging conversation, care and protection, if we feel we are lacking it, become resentful and it is offered by someone else, even those with the strongest willpower may crack – ONLY if they are not aware that they are all vulnerable.
It may sound strange but this awareness is the first key to protecting your marriage. Often the person someone has an affair with is never someone they could see themselves with long-term, it’s literally a case of missing needs being offered. Once you are aware of what you need and what your partner needs you can set about giving that to them.
Some people have a problem with this statement, they say to me “Nicola I would never cheat” that may be so, but my experience has taught me that in certain circumstances and conditions, many are susceptible.
2, Give your partner the 4 A’s – Attention, Affection, Appreciation and Admiration
They will reciprocate – the impact of this is massive. One person has the power alone to transform a marriage. Focus on turning these 4 A’s into actions you take daily.
A make it a habit to greet your partner when they come home, kiss and cuddle them every morning and night before you say goodbye or goodnight.
Ask them how they are and really listen, give them your undivided attention, no phones, TV or other distractions.
Express and show appreciation for their unique qualities, not just a “thank you” or “you’re great” be specific, what is special about them.
Admire them. We love and need to be admired by are partner – it makes us want to be around them more. If we feel criticized, not good enough, not respected we will want to avoid our partner.
Make an effort to do this especially if spending time apart. If one of you travels a lot for business, make sure the first 4 hours you or they return home you give each other undivided attention, affection, appreciation – this will set a positive loving tone for the rest of your weekend or week.
It’s loving actions not talking about problems that can save a marriage and help prevent a cheating husband or wife.
3, Take control, set boundaries and protect your marriage
The best thing you can do for your marriage if you feel yourself getting close to someone inside or outside of work is to pull away and avoid being alone with that person. Ideally only see them in group settings and decline any one on one invitations to protect your marriage.
Another thing that works well is to bring your spouse along to meet them or invite them over for dinner with your spouse, it will change how you interact and that is a good thing if flirting has been going on. Some married men and women end up avoiding the person, while that may seem a bit extreme… is your marriage and family worth protecting? Most people say yes, especially those who have cheated. Here you need to get honest with yourself, if you do this your spouse won’t need to control you.
Controlling each other doesn’t work, monitoring each other’s phone, social media and whereabouts will drive you further away.
4, Use any fantasies to improve your marriage.
If you do find yourself fantasying about what it might be like to be with someone else look for what the fantasy could be telling you about your relationship. Could it be a signal that you need more attention, affection or a more fulfilling sex life? Is it highlighting that something is missing? Can it give you clues of what you and your partner could to work on to be happier?
Analyze your thoughts and see what you can learn from them, they can often teach us how we wish we were with our partner. Then you can use the information to increase the love, passion and happiness in your own marriage. To reconnect you need to focus on their needs and they will reciprocate.
I recommend you first ask them, how they view the relationship, what you could do to make them happier. This open approach if done well, can spark transformation and a new era for your expat marriage. I offer many tips on how to motivate your spouse to change in the save my marriage program, and offer a bonus 2 part infidelity audio recording to keep to find out more book your FREE “Can My Marriage Be Saved?” Consultation simply visit www.savemymarriageprogram.com/consult
Connection is key.
It is important to note that expat couples who socialize together and stay connected when a spouse is absent thrive abroad. In contrast other expat couples that lead separate lives, tend to suffer a loss of connection, this can make them more vulnerable to affairs happening. I talk about this more in my newsletter series, where I offer 100 days of email support to transform your marriage. To sign up for FREE visit www.savemymarriageprogram.com
Marriage Transformation Specialist and Founder of Save My Marriage Program
Contact or find out more about me at www.nicolabeer.com
I specialize in a proven 10 step program to help couples increase the love, passion and happiness in their marriage in 30 days or less…Guaranteed!
P.S Unsure if Your Marriage Can Be Saved? Get the FREE Quiz – Can My Marriage Be Saved? To find out, it addresses 30 marriage problems and looks at whether it’s possible to save your marriage and what actions to take if you can. Take the QUIZ now https://training.nicolabeer.com/official-marriage-assessment/
PP.S OR If your marriage is in serious trouble and you need help now – Book Your FREE Save My Marriage Consultation TODAY www.savemymarriageprogram.com/consult