Infidelity – 4 Steps To Affair Proof Your Marriage

When it comes to infidelity and after the affair recovery in couple therapy, here are the top 3 common questions I often get asked:

Is it possible to avoid affairs and affair-proof your marriage?

Are there ways to ruin my cheating husband’s / wife’s affair and show them what they have with me?

I think about cheating often and get really tempted, can the marriage still work?

Yes is the answer to these questions.

I have answered them below in my 4 Steps to Help Avoid Affairs In Your Marriage

I normally cover this in a lot more detail in my private online group programs, infidelity audio set and 1 to 1 sessions, if you need further support scroll to the P.S section for details.

Infidelity –  4 Steps To Avoid Affairs In Marriage

Note: The below does not apply to those who have a sex addiction, for sex addiction a different strategy is required – please contact me in confidence on this matter if you are concerned you or your spouse has a sex or porn addiction.

1, Recognize that we all have the capacity to cheat.

Recognizing that we are all vulnerable to affairs can help the marriage.  Apart from cheating that happens as a one night stand, most cheating is about unmet needs.

What typically happens is someone gets hurt or frustrated that their needs for attention, affection, sex, engaging conversation, respect, care isn’t being met and they become resentful. Overtime distance is created and then all it takes is for someone to come along and offer what the person has been longing for and they are tempted.

When we feel neglected it becomes easier to justify cheating. Some husbands and wives will say to me “Nicola I would never ever cheat” that may be so, but my experience has taught me that in certain circumstances  and conditions, many of us are susceptible.

It may sound strange but awareness of how vulnerable we all can be, is the first key to protecting your marriage. Read the next steps for how to stop affairs.

2, Give your partner the 4 A’s – Attention, Affection,  Appreciation and Admiration

They will reciprocate – the impact of this is massive. One person has the power alone to transform a marriage nearly 40% of the marriages I save starts with one person attending the marriage counseling.  Focus on turning these 4 A’s into actions you take daily and reap the rewards:

#1  A make it a habit to greet your partner when they come home.

#2 Kiss and cuddle them every morning and night before you part ways or sleep

#3 Ask them how they are and really listen, give them your undivided attention, no phones, TV or other distractions.

#4 Express and show appreciation for their unique qualities, not just a “thank you” or “you’re great” be specific, what is special about them – then compliments mean something.

#5 Admire them. We love and need to be admired by are partner – it makes us want to be around them more. If we feel criticized, not good enough, not respected we will want to avoid our partner.

Make an effort to do this especially if spending time apart. If one of you travels a lot for business, make sure the first 4 hours you or they return home you give each other undivided attention, affection, appreciation – this will set a positive loving tone for the rest of your weekend or week.

It’s loving actions not talking about problems that can save a marriage and help prevent a cheating husband or wife. That’s why my marriage counseling is never about hashing out old problems.


3, Take control, set boundaries and protect your marriage

The best thing you can do for your marriage if you feel yourself getting close to someone inside or outside of work is to pull away and avoid being alone with that person. Ideally only see them in group settings and decline any one on one invitations to protect your marriage. You have to shield yourself from temptation.

Another thing that works well is to bring your spouse along to meet them or invite them over for dinner with your spouse, it will change how you interact and that is a good thing if flirting has been going on.

Some married men and women end up avoiding the person, while that may seem a bit extreme… is your marriage and family worth protecting? Most people say yes, especially those who have cheated. Here you need to get honest with yourself, if you do this your spouse won’t need to control you.

Controlling each other doesn’t work, before or after an affair. Monitoring each other’s phone, social media and whereabouts will drive them or you further away. 


4, Use any fantasies to improve your marriage.

If you do find yourself fantasying about what it might be like to be with someone else look for what the fantasy could be telling you about your relationship.

Could it be a signal that you need more attention, affection or a more fulfilling sex life?

Is it highlighting that something is missing?

Can it give you clues of what you and your partner could to work on to be happier?

Analyze your thoughts and see what you can learn from them, they can often teach us how we wish we were with our partner.  Then you can use the information to increase the love, passion and happiness in your own marriage. To reconnect you need to focus on their needs and they will reciprocate.

I recommend you first ask them, how they view the relationship, what you could do to make them happier. This open approach if done well, can spark transformation and a new era for your marriage. I offer many tips on how to motivate your spouse to change in the save my marriage program, and offer a bonus 2 part infidelity audio recording to keep to find out more book your FREE  Save My Marriage Consultation – simply visit


From my heart to yours,


Nicola Beer – Marriage Transformation Specialist and Founder of Save My Marriage Program

Contact or find out more about me at

I specialize in a proven 10 step program to help couples increase the love, passion and happiness in their marriage in 30 days or less…Guaranteed!

P.S Unsure if  Your Marriage Can Be Saved? Get the FREE Quiz – Can My Marriage Be Saved? To find out, it addresses 30 marriage problems and looks at whether it’s possible to save your marriage and what actions to take if you can.   Take the QUIZ now 

PP.S   OR If your marriage is in serious trouble and you need help now – Book Your FREE  Save My Marriage Consultation  TODAY