Are you Spending Enough QUALITY Time Together? Relationship Counseling Advice

Time can be a big source of conflict in relationships.


When you get married “your time” also becomes “their time” and if you have children then you need to also schedule in “family time”  and of course time for family chores and all the other errands you need to run.


Many couples I speak to are feeling so busy and stressed by feeling pulled in multiple directions that the quality of the marriage is declining.


Perhaps you can relate?


Are you both so busy with work, the children and your own interests that you can go for days without having a real conversation?


Do you now only discuss financials and children’s activities?


And what about your physical intimacy? Is bedtime now only for sleeping?


Arguments over how time is spent, is fairly common in relationships. But it becomes a problem when quality time is eliminated from the relationship. A lack of quality time over a period of months or years can lead to frustration, resentment and withdrawal. It can also cause feelings of neglect, which creates further emotional and physical distance.

I feel passionate about this topic because poor time management is something I failed at in past relationships. I neglected to nurture my relationship in pursuit of business and financial success and ended up ruining the relationship. We had become so disconnected.


Congratulations for taking the time to read this.


Awareness that you are not spending enough time together is key, but it is only the first step.


We all know that knowledge is useless without action. So listed below are 5 tips to strengthen your marriage and put the fun, excitement and passion back into it. These come from my experience working with hundreds couples as a marriage transformation specialist, so I know they work.


Ideally sit down and discuss these steps together and create a plan to move you forward. If your partner doesn’t want to work on it or you are not engaged enough to do that. Get marriage counseling for one, it only takes one person to create positive change in a marriage.


In fact 50% of those that join my 10 week private online program start on their own. It does not take two to tango thats a myth. One person can break any destructive communication patterns, as long as they are willing to learn new relationship and negotiation skills.


Marriage Counseling Tip 1.  Creating a Balance In Your Life

In my couples therapy, I sit down which each person individually first and assess their stress levels, time, happiness and marriage. It’s difficult to have a happy marriage if you are both highly strung, depressed or super-stressed or exhausted. We then together look at how the couple can create more balance and support one another. We also look at what can be dropped or delegated.


Marriage Counseling Tip 2. Create 10-15 hours a week for each other 

Come up with a weekly plan for alone time together (without friends or family). You want to have an absolute minimum of 10 hours per week. Ideally 15 hours if you are currently in saving your marriage mode. This is separate from family time. Decide together when your couple and family time will be. Scheduling it in makes you commit and it is therefore more likely to happen.

Nick a client said to me that it was impossible for him and his wife to have any time together because their evenings were spent taking and watching their children participate in sports. The used to share the duties one night Nick would do it, the next night Karen. I suggested to them that perhaps, him and his wife could try going together to the children’s activities.  It worked really well, they went for walks, coffee or meals in between the pick-ups and drop-offs.

Sometimes individuals and couples when I suggest this clients object by saying “ Nicola I just don’t have enough time .”   But we all have exactly the same amount of hours per day. If you think about it, time is the only thing that is equal in life, it doesn’t matter what your financial, religious or ethnic background is. We must create time for what is important.


Marriage Counseling Tip 3. Remove distractions

If you ONLY just focus on the hours you spend with each other, without looking at what you do in that time, your efforts may be wasted. Today we are bombarded with distractions from social media apps, games, online entertainment. Then there is zoning out in front of the TV, switching off using meditation, food, sleep or alcohol. all of which can also take us away from our partner. Make a commitment to lessen the distractions. Have phone and technology free hours together. There is nothing worse than attempting to connect with someone and feeling like they are not interested. Neglect is one of the most common marriage problems and can lead to affairs. Quality time is what counts and giving undivided attention is how you turn time spent together into quality time.


Marriage Counseling Tip 4. Make sure the time is spent on what you value most

Everyone of us has different relationship needs. Share your desires with your partner for what you would like to do when you spend time together. The most common needs for some can be affection and engaging conversation, for others it could be physical intimacy or doing activities together.


Marriage Counseling Tip 5. Get close and sleep next to each other

I know this article is about time, but lack of time, hectic schedules, extreme tiredness and the need for a good night sleep can lead to the habit of separate rooms, completely different sleeping times or separation in the bed. This physical distance can soon become emotional distance and become a vicious cycle.

Only you can know if this area needs improving and if you feel it does – work on getting back in touch — literally.

If you are struggling right now with resentment, lack of quality time or one of the other most common marriage problems. Get in touch and book your FREE Save My Marriage Consultation today. I’ll show you how to increase your love, passion and happiness in 2 weeks or less guaranteed.


From my heart to yours, Nicola


Nicola Beer

Marriage Transformation Specialist and Founder of Save My Marriage Program

Contact or find out more about me at


If you are struggling right now with resentment, lack of quality time or one of the other most common marriage problems. Get in touch and book your FREE Save My Marriage Consultation today. I’ll show you how to increase your love, passion and happiness in 2 weeks or less guaranteed.

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