Porn Addiction, What To Do If It Is Affecting You and Your Relationship

This is a topic no-one talks or writes about yet it is really common and the number is rising. Why? Well for one is has become accessible to almost everyone. If you think about it nearly everyone has a mobile phone and most people have a lap top or tablet on top. Statistics show our addiction to check our phone and fill any time gaps by searching online is increasing. For these reasons sadly addiction to pornography is rising.

So in this article, I want to address

  1. What is porn addiction?
  2. What are the signs of porn addiction?
  3. How can porn addiction affect a relationship
  4. How can you stop porn addiction?
  5. How can you heal a relationship hurt by porn addiction and move beyond it.

Porn addiction affects more than just the user, the relationship and family life can also suffer. The use of pornography comes up frequently in my practice, which is why I feel called to share about it today. The most important thing to know about handling this in a relationship is that it’s never helpful to control or dictate how much a partner can and cannot use pornography. Any change has to come from the user. Try to police your partner to change any habit will drive you insane and harm the relationship. Below I will walk you through a process I take individuals and couples through in case it helps.

What is porn addiction?

It is a form of sexual addiction that is focused on pornography / sexualised images that causes a problem in the user’s life. How it can affect one’s life varies. It can damage romantic relationships, or interfere with work and finances, yet despite this, the person finds themselves unable to stop.

 What are the signs of porn addiction?

Like most addictions, it doesn’t happen over night where all of a sudden you are a porn addict. Similar to smoking, alcohol and drug addiction a person starts to abuse it, using it when they feel low, isolated, bored, stressed, unable to cope with life or a way to unwind and relax. When a behaviour is used time and time again as a way to feel good or escape reality, the brain starts to associate it with the way to get through life. The more a person abuses pornography to fill a gap or release tension etc the more dependent the person becomes on using it and the less they are able to cope without it.

Porn becomes an addiction when it interferes with a person’s quality of life. When despite the damaging effect is having on someone’s life they continue to do with as they find themselves unable to stop. There is no set amount of time or frequency.

Signs of porn addiction could be

  1. Time invested in watching porn at the expense of sleep, family time or work time
  2. Secretiveness, isolation and defensiveness on the topic or technology time
  3. Inability to stop despite making promises to themselves and or others
  4. Cravings to watch pornography
  5. Continuing despite feeling negative emotions associated with it like shame, guilt
  6. Increasing need to require higher amounts and more explicit materials to gain the same satisfaction or thrill. Where a tolerance has developed.
  7. Powerless to resist the urge
  8. Damaging effect on sexual relations in the relationship. For example impotence, erectile dysfunction etc
  9. Turning down social or work activities because of the wish to watch pornography instead
  10. Relationship problems causing tension or fall out

There may be many more signs and the key thing to note is that like all addictions they can be changed. All it takes is a willingness to break away from the old and adopt new ways of embracing life.

What does it do to a relationship?

One of the ways it most damages the relationship is in the bedroom. It’s not natural to see explicit sexual material repeatedly, it can lower interest in sex and affect arousal and the sexual/sensual dynamic between a couple. Also, it can cause impotence.

Another way I have seen it harm relationships is when promises to reduce the amount or quit have failed. The partner feels angry, betrayed, hurt, unattractive, cheated. Dishonesty for obvious reasons destroys love. Trust will need to be rebuilt if this is the case.

How can you heal a relationship and move beyond porn addiction?

For the person with the addictive behaviour

The first key is a willingness to acknowledge that you want to change it. You don’t need to or have to call yourself an addict, you just need to say yes to change. Yes to having a healthier happier relationship. Yes to freedom.

The second step is exploring on your own or ideally with a relationship or behavioural specialist what is driving the behaviour. Why are you using? Normally we are triggered by a feeling before we act, it could be loneliness, boredom, anger, stress or something entirely different.

Then look at what is it giving you. What benefit are you getting from it? How do you feel during and after? The reason some behaviours are hard to quit is that of what they give us.

The fourth step is finding a healthy replacement. Something to enjoy instead of the porn. This will be different for different people. This usually takes some brainstorming. Some of the people I have worked with have taken up physical exercise, become more affectionate with their partner, have treated themselves to long baths, couple massages or cooking worked for someone, they really got into making recipes from scratch. Another man I helped who travelled a lot took up painting to music. He was never without his paint brush and canvass on trips, it helped him to unwind without porn or alcohol.

The next is reward Charles Duhigg ‘the power of habit” states that the most effective and successful way to change a habit, is to give a reward. The reward doesn’t have to be anything expensive or time-consuming. It can literally be a chart where you tick off successfully free days.

How can you reward yourself?

Ideally have a coach or someone you are close to, to share your progress with and hold you accountable. Sometimes we need a little help to keep motivation, that’s why personal training and weight loss communities have become billion dollar industries.

After this, a real committed decision is needed. A plan to really commit to change with specific goals. Aligning yourself to the benefits when you stop will make it easier to quit. So

  1. Set yourself a goal
  2. Write down all that the habit is costing you right now
  3. The reasons why it’s important to you to change
  4. List down what will happen if you don’t change
  5. Write down the benefit of changing
  6. List how you will reward yourself with the saved time

This will keep you on track – store this on your phone and review it when you have a craving.

Lastly, I use hypnotherapy to help change any unwanted behaviour in relationships for the couples I work with. Whether that’s to reduce alcohol consumption, angry outbursts, insecurities, low libido, quit smoking it works. Considering our behaviour is driven most by our subconscious mind (95% according to behavioural expert Bruce Lipton) then it’s worth adding to the action plan in my opinion.

Hypnosis helped me to quit smoking, beat insomnia and get over my fear of public speaking, I find it always works if repeated for the men and women I support too. You can get some tailored hypnosis made to you and your habit which is generally more powerful than buying a ready made one. However, you can go to audible or Itunes and buy one too.

For the partner

Don’t take it personally. That’s the key message for you. Lots of self-love and self-care work’s wonders. You have no control over your partner’s behaviour, but you can control how much you decide to worry or think about it. Self-love is actions we take to make ourselves happy, healthy and grow mentally and spiritually.

For the relationship

Rebuild love, connection and trust by focusing on your future together and actions you can take for yourself and together to create more love. Love and compassion heals everything if it is not transactional. When love is a transaction = you do this for me and I will do that for you, it never works as you are limiting it and love cannot be limited. I speak about creating more closeness and love in my relationship secrets master class it’s free 90-minute discussion on relationships and for the next one you can sign up here: https://training.nicolabeer.com/webinar-signup

From my heart to yours, Nicola

P.S If you would like more tips to improve your relationship then get my free e-book here https://training.nicolabeer.com/7-secrets-marriage

How to Stop Disagreements From Escalating in Your Marriage – Relationship Advice

Listening is not enough. When couples begin my private online 1-to1 or group coaching packages, one of the first things they say to me is they have a problem with their communication. I often hear the following:

“We can’t communicate”

“They don’t listen”

“Everything ends up in a row.”

“We sometimes don’t talk for days/ weeks or months”

“I cannot remember the last time we had a good conversation.”

If this is your situation right now, and your relationship is distant and lonely like mine was, where my partner preferred to watch TV than spending time or making love to me – this article is for you.. It can be painful to have to walk on egg shells in your own home, minding what you say in case it results in an explosive argument or the silent treatment.

Rest assured in this article I am not going to tell you that you need to listen to each other. Although that is crucial because you probably learnt that at school when you were taught to “take it in turns” and not interrupt when working or playing with others.

The point I want to make today is that listening is not enough. Yes, you read correctly if all you are doing when you discuss issues is listen, the chances are it won’t help you resolve the issue.

This was true for Michael and Sue, who went to marriage counselling for 11 months and it failed to have any positive impact. They spent thousands and thousands of dollars, travelled way over an hour to get there and back and felt worse and more hopeless after. They were having clashes over intimacy and alcohol. Michael felt they had a sex problem in their marriage and Sue felt they had an alcohol problem/addiction affecting the relationship. In both instances whether it is a sex problem or alcohol problem, one has more control than the other and rather than working around this, they were guided through marriage counselling for many months to talk this issue through and really listen.

Appointment after appointment went buy where Michael would say we have a sex problem as his wife refused to be intimate and Sue would share how disappointed she was that her husband drank every night and got very drunk on the weekend. In her view drinking alone and being unable to engage in family activities the next day was “wasting life away” in Michael’s view he was purely relaxing after a stressful day at the office. This continued for months, they really listened and got nowhere. Michael said to me, Nicola we do now understand each other’s position better, but we both feel worse after a session – because we have listened an nothing has changed.

Studies show that 75% of people end up separated after marriage counselling! Alarming isn’t it. That is because listening is only a small part of how to resolve marriage problems or save a marriage.

  1. Listening

There are another 2 steps after listening to put marriage problems to rest these are

  1. Validating
  2. Compassion

 

  1. Validating

In addition to listening we need our partner to show us that they understand us. That they don’t think we are crazy and they have listened enough to understand the logic behind it. When a husband or wife share with each other that they have a valid point of view, often this can be enough for the couple to be able to move forward. Either address the issue, compromise and find a solution.

To do this in your relationship, all you need to do is say something like

” You make sense”

“I can see how you think that way”

“I see your logic”

“You have a valid point”

When you do this you are also showing respect. The more respect shown in communication the less destruction. When you say these statements it does not mean you are agreeing but that you can see how they might be able to view it in that way. One of the worst habits many of us have is defending our own point of view as either superior or the only one that counts. When we validate we move from challenging confrontation to open dialogue and couples find they can then relax more as they discuss.

Don’t take my word for it. Try it. You will be amazed what a difference it makes to stop arguments from escalating.

 3. Compassion

Compassion is the next step. Trying to imagine how your partner is feeling. Compassion takes the conversation deeper as you focus on trying to understand the feelings behind their thoughts.

This is where you say

“Given that, I can imagine that you might be feeling. . .”  Imagine is a great word, because we never know how someone else is feeling. Another obvious way is to say something like

“I am sorry you feel that way…”

If you are having trouble communicating in your marriage you need to do more than listen. But in truth, if you are not feeling connected focusing on communication alone won’t do much either. Connection is key and should always come before communication in close relationships. You cannot connect by talking alone, it always takes action.

Michael and Sue after months of talking joined my online save your marriage program and took action to become closer. They started spending their evenings together talking, walking, cooking and dining out, they gave each other attention, affection and appreciation. They found that Michaels desire to drink lessened and Sue’s desire to be intimate increased. This change happened in only a few weeks after years of fighting. They didn’t need to talk about problems.

Helping couples to connect and become closer is something that I focus on in all of my relationship transformation programs. We start by taking action to create more love , whilst simultaneously clearing any negativity, resentment and past hurt. Communication techniques comes after this as you need love, trust and closeness for communication to be effective. If you want to learn more about how to create more love, join my marriage secret master class where I give you a full 90 minutes on how to have a loving, close and happy relationship – even if you are the only one trying. To book your place visit https://training.nicolabeer.com/webinar-signup

 

From my heart to yours Nicola

Relationship and Connection Specialist

Nicola Beer – www.nicolabeer.com

 

P.S I always send a replay of the Marriage Secret Master Class, so if the time doesn’t work for you, but you want to get the marriage secrets – sign up anyway and you will get automatically sent a replay link to watch when you can do so in peace. https://training.nicolabeer.com/webinar-signup

Can’t wait for you to join me and take your happiness to the next level

7 steps to help your husband/wife heal after an affair

If you have had a marital affair, your husband/ wife has found out and you want to save the marriage, there are some key steps you will want to follow.

How you react in the first few hours to 3 months matters as this is the “trauma stage” in the healing process. If you want to keep your marriage intact then I suggest you read and follow these healing after an affair steps. You may also want to get some support to move you out of crisis into rebuilding trust, love and respect.    This applies whether it is an emotional affair, physical affair or internet affair. If the betrayed husband or wife defines it as cheating then healing is needed. An affair is an attachment outside of the marital relationship. Many couples ask me does messaging count as an emotional affair or betrayal? I think as a guide for a couple moving forward is to focus on appropriateness. If you would not say or do something if your wife or husband was copied in the message then don’t say or do it.

I have devised the below from helping hundreds of individuals cope with the pain after an affair, as well as couples to come out stronger through this. Some of the below might sound basic, however, to save a relationship and become closer – grand gestures mean little, it is consistent daily action that makes all of the difference whether healing a cyber, physical or emotional affair.

 

Steps to Healing After A Physical or Emotional Affair

 

  1. Stop and cut ties immediately

Sounds obvious but you would be surprised how many men and women find it hard to let go or want to stay friends with the person they cheated with. Get support if you are struggling to cut contact. It goes without saying, if you continue the marriage will be even more severely damaged. Cut all ties where ever possible, obviously if you are working together this can be more of a struggle to do straight away. Something you will definitely need to work out and discuss after the affair with your husband or wife, how you will manage this.

 

  1. Make a heartfelt apology

If you fail to get this right, then pain will often continue for your spouse at a deep level. Understand and acknowledge the pain your husband or wife is going through. It makes it ten times harder for them to move on if you cannot appreciate how much hurt you have caused. In order for us to accept apologies we need to believe that we are really understood. This includes accepting that your wife or husband may see it as an affair, even if you do not. Denial of your spouse’s interpretation prevents healing from happening.

 

  1. Take full responsibility

This is essential to helping your spouse heal after an affair. If you blame your spouse, circumstances or the third person, then your spouse will not be able to trust you won’t cheat again. That’s a disaster for repairing a marriage, as Trust is essential for all healthy, loving and intimate relationships. Own your actions and you will be able to recover far quicker together.

 

  1. Be fully transparent

Transparency and total honesty is key. Don’t make the mistake so many men and women make of holding back information to try and “protect” their spouse after an affair. This ALWAYS back fires. Denial, lying and not sharing details is often what takes a couple closer to divorce, more so than the actual affair. I hear of cases time and time again where husbands or wives have lied to their spouses face after the affair to try to salvage the relationship, but this makes things worse. As their spouse either already knows everything and has all of the information and is waiting for them to reveal it, or they ask information and then spend nights and weeks, analyzing and investigating it to check for the truth.

Forget lying about anything. Or even withholding information. If they are not given details they assume the worse anyway.  Share all information that they need to move forward, no matter how awkward you feel or how aggressive they become.

 

  1. Act to rebuild trust, love and respect

Don’t rely on words alone to save the marriage. Promises that it won’t ever happen again and that you are sorry are a great start but won’t save a marriage. It takes actions to rebuild love, trust and respect. The right actions, which I talk about in my weekly webinar. Start taking actions to become closer not only to recover after an affair but to strengthen the connection and marriage. I have several resources on this, contact me if you want more information on strengthening after an affair.

 

  1. Keep patient

It’s common after an affair for the betrayed spouse to ask the same question again and again. They may want to check they can trust you and your story is accurate, they may want to know that you really do love them.

Recognise that it is not their wish to hurt you by this or make the relationship tense. Have compassion for them that they are most likely asking because they cannot switch off the reoccurring doubts and thoughts about your interest in them and the relationship or about what happened during the affair.

When I help a couple heal from an affair, I spend a lot of time focused on helping men and women, rid their mind of negative thoughts and painful images as well as help them to boost their confidence.

Keep in mind, that to you it might seem like they are living in the past but for them, they cannot move forward unless they can put a lid on the past. Often they are not choosing to hurt you or the relationship by repeating conversations, they are in need of closure. With their mind circling, they just need to check. If you refuse to communicate about the affair, you are stopping the healing process leaving them stuck with their negative thoughts. Often increasing stress, anger and their insecurities.

 

  1. Boost their confidence

Insecurities are almost always present after an affair. Feeling unattractive, unloved and undesired is common.  As well as questioning performance beneath the sheets. Reassure them with loving actions, words and your attention that they are desired, cherished and adored.

In summary aim to be as open, compassionate and caring as possible. Taking full responsibility for the heartache caused. Then look at ways to use this wake up call to strengthen your relationship. I’ve had the privilege of helping hundreds of couples through affairs to become closer and happier than ever before. With the right steps this can be you too.

 

From my heart to yours, Nicola

P.S If you are wondering is my marriage is over or not, take the free quiz here and get some support … https://training.nicolabeer.com/official-marriage-assessment

 

Infidelity – How to Help your Spouse Heal from Your Affair

How to get over a cheating husband/wife and save the marriage

Anne (name changed) emailed me after she discovered her husband had been having an affair. She was deeply hurt and angry at his betrayal. But she didn’t want to leave him and break up the family. They have two beautiful girls who dote on them both, plus the fact that deep down she still loved him. She discovered her husband was having an affair when she checked his phone at a friends BBQ. He had left his phone on the side, she picked it up and looked through his messages curious to what conversations he was having with his mates. To her horror, she found messages to and from a Louise of a sexual nature. She felt disgusted, furious and confused. She rushed to the bathroom with the phone, locked herself in and read the streams of conversations they had. Acting quickly she emailed herself all of their whats app messages. Then she confronted her husband telling him she knew about Louise, that she had evidence and told him not to bother coming home that night. They left immediately and spent the night and next week fighting about it. She wanted to know from me how to get over a cheating husband and save the marriage.

If you have found out you have a cheating husband or wife let me start by saying how sorry I am you are going through this and we are connecting under these circumstances. The pain can be immense and utterly overwhelming with so many fears and doubts flooding your mind. Although I am happy you are here because it means you already know that saving a relationship after an affair takes action. Just you taking the time to read this is a positive step to healing the relationship.

If this doesn’t apply to you directly but has or is happening to someone close to you below are some tips that I hope will help.

Below is a list I have devised from helping hundreds and couples through this in the next article next week I will share 7 tips for the betrayer to follow – so look out for that!

For the Betrayed – Relationship Counseling tips by Nicola Beer

The first thing you need to recognise is that is often impossible to get over it on your own. You are going to need support from your spouse to feel secure, attractive and desired again.  As well as some tools to stop any obsessive thoughts and behaviours, or flashbacks and painful images which could be from a good coach or other types of self-healing.

  1. Feel your feelings

Allow yourself to feel and express your pain and anger. Find a healthy outlet for the stress and frustration. Instead of trying to fix feelings with sugar, alcohol, drugs, shopping or any other habit that doesn’t serve you.

2. Do ask questions

Many find they have a peace when they are able to put the pieces together and understand why, where and when it happened. Those that choose not to know anything end up finding it much harder to move forward.

  1. Be willing to forgive

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself not your partner. You free yourself when you forgive. Forgiving does not mean you condone the behaviour or are forgetting, it is about choosing to move forward.

  1. Do get help

Don’t suffer in silence. Get support from loved ones friends or a relationship specialist to support you.

  1. Be patient with yourself.

Especially if you are acting out of character, by checking up on your spouse, being extra suspicious or feeling insecure. It’s natural on the odd occasion to overreact after discovering their affair.

  1. Give up control

Recognise that no matter what, you cannot control your partner’s behaviour, so monitoring them and checking up on them will drive you crazy. Over time it will also over push someone further away. No one likes to be watched and analysed.

  1. Accept their love and kindness.

Receive the repair efforts and positive gestures they offer. Appreciate them and you will get more. I have seen many husbands and wives continuously punish their spouse after an affair, refusing to accept their apology and loving act. This refusal blocks healing and in the end, will end the relationship.

Another question I get asked frequently is

What if they Deny the Affair?  

In relationships where the cheating husband or wife is denying the affair or not accepting the descriptions “emotional attachment”  “cyber infidelity” etc the healing process can be a lot more challenging. How can you get over a cheating husband/wife if they don’t acknowledge it? It doesn’t matter what type of betrayal took place healing from affairs ALWAYS requires the cheater to switch to rescuer. When they don’t admit to the pain they have caused they cannot help move the relationship forward. Coming up next are 7 tips the betrayer can implement. Look out for it or email me now for a copy nicola@purepeacecoaching.com

Summary

There is no easy way to get over an affair.  I am frequently asked how do I get over their affair without feeling so angry, hurt and rejected. It’s hard, there is no denying that that is why having the support of people who love you is key, although I fully appreciate you may want to keep it hidden. Trust needs to be rebuilt and trust can only be rebuilt by loving acts of kindness, affection, attention, appreciation.

The key way to know whether to save it comes down to your feelings, whether your spouse is remorseful and whether you are willing to take steps to change the way you are relating and work towards your future. I hope this helps you, get in touch to find more about making your marriage great.

If you are still unsure what to do next – take the “Is My Marriage over? quiz. https://training.nicolabeer.com/official-marriage-assessment Which will help you assess your marriage.

From my heart to yours, Nicola

Nicola Beer

Relationship & Connection Specialist

nicola@purepeacecoaching.com

www.nicolabeer.com

 

P.S Don’t delay or stay stuck in confusion any longer Take the marriage assessment now by clicking here  https://training.nicolabeer.com/official-marriage-assessment

 

WARNING! 7 Ways Smartphones Can Ruin Relationships & Marriages

7 ways smartphones can destroy a couple’s connection and ruin a marriage.

Could your phone obsession be impacting your relationship and closeness?

With smartphones becoming cheaper, more available and the ability to now message and call for free, you may think they are an asset to romantic relationships. Unfortunately not. Our smartphones have become highly addictive and for many reasons the cost to relationships is high. Having helped thousands of couples to reconnect and restore intimacy one of the things that often comes up is the way a husband or wife engages with their phone and social media.

Let me ask you a few questions…

Do you feel a pull to constantly check your phone?

Is your phone and visible to you all the time?

Would you feel lost without it?

If you answered yes to any of the above, you are not alone. The obsession with our phones is rampant!

According to the research, companies study the average person touches their mobile device 2,617 times a day! A high user, a whopping 5,427 a day. Yes, a DAY! They put in a new software to track how many times a representative group of Android phone users touched their phone.  Can you believe it? I thought that is way too high, but just observe yourself and you may see some alarming patterns going on.

It’s no wonder phone usage can be a sore point for couples if we are interacting with our phones as often as that.  I’ve seen it destroy connection and closeness and I don’t want that to happen for you. So I am sharing the common complaints and solutions, to protect your relationship and get the love you truly deserve.

7 ways smart phones can destroy a couples connection –

  1. You text instead of talk

The odd text message is good for sharing something quickly if you cannot connect on the phone and something important needs to be arranged. It can also feel special to receive or express a loving message like “I’m thinking of you”  “I love you”  etc. BUT if it becomes the core way you communicate and it is used as a replacement for conversation, over time it erodes closeness. Imagine if your parents raised you by text message…. How close would you be? How much love would you feel from them? The chances are you would have a distant and damaged relationship. We are not robots, relationships cannot be built that way! All relationships need constant nurturing, engagement and interaction to grow. If we limit our verbal communication, eye contact and sharing emotions through our tone of voice, we will be missing the opportunity to bond.

Text arguing has also become the norm for many couples. Texting your grievances may seem like a good idea as you won’t be interrupted in getting your point across but it FAILS to resolve issues, to convey your true feelings and often leads to more hurt, resentment, and negativity. Even worse than this, if done repeatedly couples start to ignore or become unaffected by their spouse’s remarks and start ignoring each other. Shutdown in a relationship is the first stage of damaging decline.

Keep in mind that 72% of communication is body language, 20%  is the tone of voice and only 7% is words. So by using words only 92% is missing from your message and for obvious reasons this leads to misunderstandings, hurt and hostility.

Solution – couples I have worked with switched to a call once during the day and noticed a massive shift in their closeness. Others had lunch together a few times a week. For those that couldn’t do that, they left voice mails instead of texting. All reported back to me saying they felt instantly closer and happier in just a few weeks of doing this.

 

  1. You date your phone at dinner

What happened to a family meal time, engaging conversation and eye contact?  I think we’ve all seen this by now maybe even been a little guilty of it ourselves. Whether you eat watching TV, sit at the dinner table is your phone staring right at you? Or do you perhaps get all of your emails and messages delivered to your wrist on your watch as you are eating?  All prevent precious bonding time.

Couples will often say to me, “Nicola, we just don’t have enough time as we use to, our busy work schedules/children/commitments get in the way…”  Yet after going into more detail, it is clear they have at least 2 hours where they could be enjoying each other’s company each evening and more on weekends. Instead of interacting they are glued to their phones. Is it any wonder we feel more lonely and less connected in this connected world? I think not.

It’s easy to interpret your husband or wife being so engaged with their phone, as a sign you are far less interesting and important than the virtual friends you have. Clearly making our partners feel less than on a regular basis is going to effective the relationship.

Solution – put them away while you eat

  1. You cuddle up on the sofa with your mobile

As you settle down on the sofa with a cup of tea or glass of wine at the end of the day, is your phone or your partner next to you? Who do you choose to be by your side when you want to relax?  Do you choose your phone over affection with your partner? Are you sat together or opposite sides of the room? Is your phone your source of comfort or your lover?

Solution – cuddle up to each other and leave your phones where you can hear them if someone calls but are not attached to them.

 

  1. You attend to your phone when in bed

It can be very frustrating to wake up hearing and seeing your partner in the middle of the night emailing or and texting.  Same with checking your phone in bed before you have engaged, it’s a passion killer. You are also missing the chance for intimacy.  When spouses take their phones to bed on a regular basis many men and women, feel undesired and unattractive. Again not good for closeness.

Solution – stop it, only check work emails at work and messages after you have left the bed.

 

  1. You share more online than with him or her

Is your spouse the one you share news, feelings, and experiences with? Or is Facebook /  Instagram the place you go to first? Do you get or give more support, appreciation, and recognition to online friends than to your partner?  It can feel good to share updates and photos, as long as it is not replacing our connection in close relationships. The attachment to positive reinforcement through likes and comments can keep us detached from those we live with.

Solution – Before you post, call or share with your loved one first and you may not even feel the need to share it.

 

  1. Your phone accompanies you to the bathroom

Now whilst it’s highly unlikely your partner would want to go to the toilet with you. Studies have found that more and more people are taking their phone to the bathroom and spending over 30 minutes in their because they end up interacting on their phone. I’ve seen it trigger insecurities in close relationships as well as take away from precious couple time when men and women disappear for over 30 minutes to an hour or longer at a time.

Solution – ha ha, I’m not going to say anything on this one.

 

  1. You photo everything and experience little

Lastly, in the  quest to connect virtually many smartphone users have become snap happy. When you constantly take selfie’s or photos of everything you are pausing and therefore disconnecting with reality and the people in it. By snapping away for the ultimate photo and perfect smile, special moments can pass as our attention.  Precious romantic moments can be lost, as we are not truly present for our partner.  When we do this we lose the experience of happiness. As we are happiest when our minds are fully present, fully embraced in the now.  If we constantly are engaging with our phones, and checking for others approval or replies to messages, or use it to fill moments of emptiness, then we turn off real life.

 

Solution – Aim to really experience your surroundings,  ask yourself “do I need to stop and take a photo?” If you do want to take photo’s limit it to a few and then go back to the moment and interact with what is happening.

 

This article is not to point fingers, trigger accusations between a couple or make anyone feel guilty. It’s written to inspire. Phone obsession is a reality and we must pull back if it is impacting our close relationships. Awareness is the first key to change.  So my hope is you benefit like I have from being aware of this common problem and make different choices to have a closer & more intimate relationship.

 

From my heart to yours, Nicola

Relationship & Connection Specialist

P.S For more tips to strengthen your relationship and become closer, be sure to download my free e-book “7 Secrets to Strengthening or Saving Your Marriage “https://training.nicolabeer.com/7-secrets-marriage/”

How to Fix A Struggling Marriage – Step #1

Natalie had lost herself in her marriage. She was constantly running errands for her children, husband and checking in on both sets of parents, that she had neglected her own needs. By her own admission, she was far too busy and stressed to enjoy life.  David her husband was also stressed, travelling and working long hours to pay for all the growing household expenses.  Both felt unappreciated, drained of energy and frustrated at the lack of attention, love and care they were receiving.  They were angry at each other, resentment and distance was building. The only thing they thought would get them out of this difficult time and tension was if each other would change and make them happy! They had spent many months and years wishing time away and hoping for change by the time they had met me. This is a natural consequence of losing touch with our innermost desires, neglecting ourselves and expecting our partner to be our everything.

So welcome to How to Fix A Struggling Marriage – Step #1

In this article, I will outline the first step to having a close relationship and explain how to fix a struggling marriage

 

STEP #1 Part 1 How to Fix a Struggling Marriage

 

Accepting and Loving Yourself

 

Ironically the first step to having an intimate relationship starts with ourselves. For true intimacy, we need to be fully present in all our glory. To be fully present we need to be connected to all parts of ourselves, accept all parts of ourselves, even those we dislike or that make us feel uncomfortable, ashamed or vulnerable. When we deny parts of ourselves, we tend to attract them and notice them more in our partners. When we accept our imperfections it allows us to just be, be who we are and therefore we are able to connect more deeply.

 

We have all heard the statement

 

“you need to love yourself before you can truly love others

 

I used to think this line was a load of rubbish, to be honest. I didn’t believe it. I thought I don’t love myself much but I can easily love other people. Being hard on myself was how I got so far in life, I pushed myself with criticism and not accepting anything less than perfection and never gave myself a rest. From others, I took criticism and talked down or refused the praise I was getting.

 

 

It wasn’t until I finally did learn to love myself fully, I found I could love more people and open my heart wider and wider to all people. People that may have annoyed, angered or repulsed me before, I had love for. I see loving yourself more as a journey, it takes practice and you get better at it over time.  I began my journey of self-acceptance and love 6 years ago and I’m always improving.

 

First I started by not criticising myself. That was a big step for me, I used to wake up and moan at myself from the moment I woke up. I had done this for 15 years, so it had become a habit. I would call myself ugly, stupid, fat, some days. Other days I would criticise what I said, what I ate, what I drank, how much work I got done, how much money I saved,  it was exhausting! I was my biggest critic and own worst enemy. Consumed with so much self-hate, I was attracting in people who also had a lot of hate in them, either towards others or themselves. For sure this was blocking love in and by blocking love in, love was not pouring out. Love HAS to flow for intimacy to flow.

 

The great thing about accepting yourself is that you can also accept others attitudes, behaviours and actions more easily. Without getting bothered by them. There is a great saying in NLP “everybody is doing the best they can with the resources they have.”  Once I adopted that as a core belief forgiveness came easily, I forgave my mum for the heartache and abuse, I forgave my dad for leaving, I forgave my ex for not wanting to commit to me,  and most importantly I forgave myself for all the misery I had put myself through.

 

What do you need to love more about yourself, what do you need to accept about yourself and what in your life needs your care and attention?

 

 

STEP #1 – Part 2 How to Fix a Struggling Marriage

 

Putting it into ACTION through Self-Care

 

The next step is demonstrating your self-acceptance and love, by taking care of your feelings, needs, mind, body and spirit.

 

I used to think I don’t have time for a spiritual practice or exercise. It was always put on my list of when I have this setup, then I will take more time out for me or when I earn this much, I will be able to do that.

 

However, I learnt never to short-change yourself in business and relationships. You deserve to put money aside for you and pay yourself first, no matter how well your business is doing, and relaxation and fun time for yourself in life and close relationships is also crucial.

 

The key here is to be in touch with your own feelings and needs and then get into action and take care of those needs. Either by sharing your desires with your partner or by finding out ways to get your needs met. Your partner can never meet all of your needs.

 

If you are ignoring your own needs and feelings in the relationship and life more generally it will impact your happiness and this will impact the relationship and your closeness. If you have lost yourself and no longer know what makes you happy and fulfilled, then you won’t be able to bring your fullness into the relationship. When you neglect yourself, it is hard to find or experience any real joy in life.

 

The more you can focus on yourself, your happiness, your needs, dreams and wants, the better version of yourself you will become. Relationships flourish when both are being the best versions of themselves and are accepted fully for who they are. This is especially true when trying to fix a struggling marriage, in order to repair the connection and closeness, you need to feel positive. Positive with life, your partner overall and about the future.

 

STEP #1 – Part 3 How to Fix a Struggling Marriage  –

 

Inject more Positivity into Your Lives

 

If you are in a bad spot; you need HOPE! Hope can pull you through a and this hope will inspire you to take action.

 

A lack of positivity is often what destroys marriages most. Sadly I see this all the time. Negativity is the enemy. As negativity becomes a feeding ground for criticism and seeing only wrongs with your partner and in the relationship. The more you focus on what is bad, the more negative things you will attract and the more resentment will build. So this is why self-care is important for an intimate, close and happy relationship.  If you are taking care of your energy, happiness and health, you will be in a far better position to stir the relationship back into a positive one. Low self-esteem, depression, addictions and exhaustion, will keep a relationship operating on a low or aggressive way.

 

 

So what I really wanted to get across is that self-care, self-love, or whatever you want to call it, is not selfish, it is not something that should be ignored. Nearly all the husbands and wives I’ve worked with would rather see their spouse a bit less or accept fewer things being done around the house, or have a smaller home or garden for a more relaxed, kinder and happier environment.

 

Don’t delay, Start today 🙂

 

From my heart to yours, Nicola

 

P.S If you are struggling right now in your marriage and want to turn it around, I recommend you check out this video I created – 10 Essential Keys to Transform Your Marriage and Avoid Divorce – https://training.nicolabeer.com/webinar-signup/

It’s 40 minutes long where I walk you through exactly what is needed step by step to have a great marriage https://training.nicolabeer.com/webinar-signup/

Sign up for it and watch it in your own time and place https://training.nicolabeer.com/webinar-signup/

 

Financial Abuse: Is Your Husband / Wife Financially Controlling?

Financial Abuse – Relationship Advice for a Financially Controlling Husband / Wife:

Financial conflict causes a great deal of unhappiness and tension in relationships.  I received this email last week and they have given me permission to share it, here is the advice I gave Emily (name changed) I hope if you are facing financial control or other conflicts this helps you.

Hi Nicola

My husband is financially controlling. I literally have nothing but the bare minimum given to me as an allowance for our needs and the rest I never see. I thought at first it was great he wanted to take care of all the bills but now I see his behaviour as controlling. I am not one to spend much on myself anyway but I have to account for anything and everything and he doesn’t. Everything I have to disclose and when I want to do things,  I can see him internally calculating how much it will cost and so it has made me hardly want to bother to do anything anymore.

 He says I cannot manage the budget, yet he fails to realise there is no money to budget, it is always under what the children and I need.  He says he is doing this for us, our future and investments but I know nothing and I’ve read this is financial abuse!

I’ve listened to all your podcasts and thought about reaching out to you for your free marriage consultation but wanted to see if I could fix things on my own first. So I  decided 5 months ago that the best thing to do would be to get a job, so I get my own money hoping this would make things better. But it’s actually made things worse, he gets both of our paychecks and I see none of my hard earned money. I feel trapped, angry and I am starting to hate him. I no longer want him to touch me. When I ask him for more money, he gets angry or defensive saying I need to manage better. He’s impossible. What shall I  do?

Emily

My reply

Hi Emily

Sorry to hear of the stress you are going through, financial conflicts of some kind come up in my online sessions frequently. Clearly what is going on in your marriage is serious, as you no longer feel close or want to be intimate. I’m not a big believer that labels help but what you are describing was labelled by the BBC Personal Finance Reporter Brian Milligan as “Financial Abuse”

Milligan said that financial abuse “involves your partner spending your jointly-earned money, taking out loans in your name, making you pay the utility bills, or scrutinising every penny you spend….Worse, it can be the forerunner of even more serious emotional, or physical, abuse”

According to the charity Women’s Aid – Marilyn Howard and Amy Skipp who produced a report Trapped and Controlled say the most frequent signs to look out for are a partner who:

  • takes large independent financial decisions without you
  • controls your access to money, through credit cards or a bank account
  • takes your salary and controls what happens with it
  • refuses to contribute to household bills or children’s expenses
  • puts bills in your name, but does not contribute to them
  • takes out loans in your name – but does not help with repayments
  • takes money from you without asking

 

Another form of financial behaviour that affects a marriage I see all too often is a lack of transparency. Where a spouse is kept in the dark when it comes to earning, spending, investing or giving. This can impact closeness and intimacy in a marriage if things are hidden, so it is good for long-term happiness to share information.

 

So what can you do about it?

Whatever you do, do not follow marriage counsellors or well-meaning friends advice and accuse your husband of being financially abusive or a financial bully. That is one sure way to make them become defensive, get aggressive or shut down the conversation. Having helped saved hundreds of marriages now, many men who fit this “financial abuse” pattern, would be horrified to learn they are guilty of this and hurting their partner and relationship in such a way. To many men all they are doing is taking care of the family, so it needs to be handled carefully, to get a positive outcome.

First it is good to understand the two basic drives and thought cycles that men and women have. The masculine and feminine energy focus.  Men and the masculine energy (which some women can have more of) are constantly stuck in a loop asking themselves “am I successful enough?” “am I succeeding?” “am I failing?” “am I doing enough?”  These loops occupy their thoughts, mission and focus in life.

So more often than not, the financial control has little to do with their wife and everything to do with their drive to be successful and avoid the failure and shame that comes with it. They want to monitor everything for fear of not failing as their role as a provider.  So in response to their fear, they control.

The feminine energy thought cycle and drive is focused on being loved it women constantly ask themselves “am I loved?’ “am I loved enough?” “am I loved? am I loved enough?” They see spending and being given money as a sign of being loved and cared for. They see control as a sign of unlove and control which often ignites fear and makes women want to spend money and keep more of their own money. It creates the opposite effect that the man is seeking rather than being careful, they think the money may be withdrawn again, better spend it all in case it is limited again.

I see this becoming a vicious cycle in couples. Could this be true in your marriage?  These two drives highlighted by David Deida clash in marriages time and time again over finances and time spent at work or in social activities.

The way to address finances differs from marriage to marriage but here are some suggestions you may like to implement, that has worked for the women I’ve helped. Only you can decide what is safe for you to communicate to your partner regarding these moves towards more financial independence.

  1. Get to know more about your husband’s financial mission

Express an interest in knowing more and in supporting you husband to succeed in achieving his and the family goals. Ask him what his dreams, plans and savings are for. Explain your dreams and why having more financial freedom is important to you now. With or without a relationship specialist, set a date to discuss finances and create a compelling future vision incorporating both of your dreams, when it comes to spending.

  1. Be financially responsible

Make a plan to take back control of your money. It is fortunate that you work and have your own source of income. Open a separate bank account in your own name, and have your paychecks deposited there. Having a joint account for joint expenses can work really well for some couples. Do your own research into savings and share your ideas.

  1. Be aware of patterns to keep you “utterly dependent”

Other warning signs of financial abuse and financial bullying are when a husband or wife is using the money to socially isolate a spouse. Where the financial control stops you from going out and socialising, and by doing so making you financially dependent. It can also involve stopping a spouse from working, from having any access to funds making it possible for them to have any freedom at all. This is abuse in some respects because it can make the other person feel like they have nothing outside of the relationship and cannot see anyone else.

There is an important difference between being in a relationship where someone takes care of the active financial management and someone who keeps you financially dependent. It’s fine to not be hands on in the day-to-day operation and bill paying, but if you wanted to see and know anything about your finances at any point you could. If you are not allowed to know more or be more involved, this is not good for a relationship. Having restricted access makes you vulnerable, as you have a right to know and determine everything that concerns your money in your committed relationship.

  1. Get support if you need to

You deserve a partner who supports you, not one who controls you.

If your partner reacts to any of the above steps aggressively, refuses outright to discuss or if you are too scared to do so consider outside support from a trusted friend/family member or relationship specialist to assess what to do next.

You did the right thing to listen to your instincts and reach out for guidance. Look after yourself and don’t neglect your needs. It is rare that couples see eye to eye on finances, it often takes couples a few years to get comfortable sharing and managing finances together. So don’t be alarmed if it’s not working right now and needs adjusting. Outside circumstances like the economy, threat or loss of job can often trigger fear which in turn, turns into control. But with awareness and open communication can be resolved.

From my heart to yours Nicola

WARNING

If you are reading this and are concerned about yourself or someone close to you suffering a more severe financial abuse or other abuse seek support immediately.

To  book your free save my marriage consultation with me here how to discuss your relationship in confidence visit  www.savemymarriageprogram.com/consult

Or to get more email support download my free e-book 7 Secrets to Saving Your Marriage here

https://training.nicolabeer.com/7-secrets-marriage/

Is Guilt a Reason to Stay in a Relationship? Marriage Advice

Last week a lady I’m supporting in the in the US said:  “Nicola, I want out of this marriage but I feel too guilty to leave.” Many men have shared the same with me. Staying in a relationship because of guilt alone can be a miserable way to live. If this is really all that is keeping a couple and family together. However, I often find that it is used as an excuse to mask someone’s own dependency.  As many individuals don’t want to admit to themselves that they really DO want to STAY in the relationship if only some key things would change. So instead of taking a good look at themselves and their power to change things, they procrastinate.

Having worked with hundreds of couples now, I find that guilt associated with leaving, is guilt we carry because we don’t think we have tried hard enough to make the relationship work.

Could this be true for you? Have you invested time and energy into saving it or just merely shared your grievances? Would you regret leaving if you left the relationship now? If yes, what more can you do to make it great? Guilt, like all emotions, can teach us something if we explore where and why it is coming up…

Often it can be linked to our own childhood experiences, past difficult emotional events, and therefore may not have a direct connection with the present issue we are facing.  If guilt really is the only thing in your way of leaving, you’d most likely benefit from working on releasing the guilt first, then you would get a clear picture on what to do next…

As if guilt is clouding your judgment it will be hard to think straight about your relationship. It is never a good idea to make a decision out of fear, anger or guilt. Instead, it is best to work through the guilt by taking action. There are several ways to release guilt and other negative emotions that damage our self-esteem, health and relationships. Some use meditation and hypnotherapy, others go for marriage or divorce counselling and coaching and some go it alone; using self-help books and journal writing. If you do not have peace in your heart and mind choose the best way for you,  Personally. for best results, I find when I use a combination of all the above negative feelings can go pretty quickly.

If you are feeling stuck right now, I’d like to invite you to book a FREE New Beginning Session with me where we will brainstorm together  

1.     Ways you can instantly increase your happiness and start living again

2.     Steps to overcome your biggest fears,  bringing you peace of mind 

3.     What needs to be eliminated from your life

NOTE – I am only opening up 5 spots in my calendar use the link below to book a slot that suit’s you within the next 3 weeks  Book My New Beginning Consultation

If you are ready for change, I look forward to speaking with you soon

From my heart to yours,  Nicola

Contact or find out more about me at www.nicolabeer.com

 

P.S  Don’t delay on this, because there are only 3 spots available and when booked they will be gone click here to get your New Beginning Consultation

PP.S. If your marriage is in serious trouble and you need help now, consider joining the SAVE MY MARRIAGE ONLINE PROGRAM. This program has saved thousands of marriages. It’s gtd to increase the love, passion and happiness in your marriage.  All you need is the internet to participate. Where you will get 10 audio recordings of the 10 transformational steps, plus 10 weekly private office hour sessions, where you get my undivided attention to your most pressing problems and questions, plus heaps of bonuses that support you to overcome addictions, reduce anger, affair-proof your marriage and let go of past hurt and resentment. On top of this, to increase your closeness,  I will give you a list 100 activities you try together and couples games.

To find out more if it could be right for you Join me live where I discuss how to stop feeling alone in your marriage, as well as ways to create more love, passion and happiness https://training.nicolabeer.com/webinar-signup/

P.P.S. If you know you need support but want something faster than the life changing 10-week program here are 2 more options

1. 1 ON 1 PRIVATE MARRIAGE TRANSFORMATION SUPPORT
Book your free Save My Marriage Consultation and we can discuss working together 1 to 1 online or booking a 5-star retreat
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2.SAVE MY MARRIAGE AUDIO SET
With this program, you get everything you need to start transforming your marriage in your hands instantly! For more information go to http://savemymarriageprogram.com/audioset/

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ABOUT SAVE MY MARRIAGE PROGRAM
Save My Marriage Program is a relationship strengthening program designed as an alternative to marriage counselling. Recent case studies show that it’s twice as likely to successfully save and restore a marriage than traditional counselling. The program works well for those who set out to transform their marriage on their own, as well as for couples.

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5 Tips to Getting Through Rough Patches in Your Relationship

One of the biggest issues that couples face is that after the first few blissful months or years together we begin to see our partner’s flaws, the things we don’t like and the things that upset us and annoy us. When we initially fall in love it is with the feeling it gives us. We feel on top of the world when we are in love and without realizing it we soon become oblivious to the reality of what it really means to be living with another person who has issues, fears, problems and insecurities of their own.

This quote by Peter Devries couldn’t say it better “The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.”

So, what exactly does that mean and what is the difference between character and personality? Well, your personality is how people experience you, it’s the face you put on, it’s how people see you. Your character on the other hand is who you are when no one is watching. It’s the person you really are when you are alone or so relaxed with your partner that you start to let that side of you surface. An easy way to look at this is to go back to the traditional wedding vows which states ‘For better or worse.’ When people get married they see and experience ‘the better’ but it’s often not until a few months or years down the road that we can begin to experience ‘the worse’ For a couple to survive the worse, the first thing to do is just acknowledge it and be aware of it. Once you are aware of the situation you are in and remember the vows you pledged on your wedding day you can make a plan to get through it together. So, here’s 5 tips to help you move through the difficult times as a couple and not just survive but thrive. Hope you like them would love to hear your thoughts…

1.    Using the law of reflection as the basis for this first step, when you look at your partner and see something that you really don’t like, stop and ask yourself, are they a reflection of me? Do I do that too? If so, look at changing your ways and then take a step back and see if they too start to change.

2.    One of the reasons that many people fail to stay together is that they simply forget the vows they made; for better or for worse. Life is good yet its also really really hard at times. When we can be at peace with that simple fact we won’t feel like running away the minute we don’t like what we see. So, when the going gets tough, remind yourself of your vows, spend time thinking about your wedding day and remember that this ‘hard or difficult phase’ is just a phase and it will pass. Don’t be shy to get support either. Burying your head in the sand and hoping time will fix it is a mistake many divorced people deeply regret.

3.    When things are hard and you feel like giving up try and focus on responding to a situation and not reacting. When we respond, especially if it’s a calm response we are generally moving forwards in the right direction. However as soon as we start firing out angry reactions what we will get is more angry reactions in response – and as we know, angry reactions do not generally work in our favour. So, remember to make it a habit of responding rather than reacting.

4.    Another key thing to remember is that too often when we look at our partner and suddenly see all the things we don’t like about them we are in fact mirroring ourselves. What you will find if you look close enough is that what you don’t like in them is often something you don’t like about yourself. This can be hard to accept at first, if you dislike laziness, tightness, mess, lying, excessive drinking, eating or spending, have you done this before or been told it is unacceptable? Is it mirroring something.   If this sounds like you then taking some time out to look inside yourself will give you some perspective on whether or not the issue is with them or with you, can work wonders.

5.    Lastly, try focusing on something good, something you love about your partner. Visualize it in your mind. Feel how good it feels to feel that way. Remember all the times you felt amazing when they said something nice to you and when they surprised you or showed you how much they really cared. When you have got that feeling in your mind, magnify it, make it appear 10 times bigger, then do it again and then again. When you do this exercise you will start to feel so good that this feeling will radiate through you and come into contact not just with your partner but with everyone you spend time with. By radiating love and feeling so great you will start to notice that that feeling and love is coming right back at you, just like a boomerang.

I know in this article and previous ones, I mention self-reflection, that’s because we may not be able to change our spouse, but we can change our-self and by doing that transform our relationships. Many people who did the Save My Marriage Program online told me that it not only restored their marriage, but it was a personal fixing for them too. And, in fact, I think one of the unique aspects of the online program  is that a person experiences personal growth within, I cover topics like breaking the cycle of negative thoughts, overcoming addictive patterns, anger management, affair recovery, healing past hurt and how to communicate more effectively etc .
If you’d like to experience a personal transformation or any of these topics speak to you. Register for the online course, you can join any time. Visit www.savemymarriageprogram.com/online.  All you need to participate is internet access and the will to create a more loving home. It’s a 10-week program guaranteed  to transform your marriage or your money back.

From my heart to yours, Nicola

Contact or find out more about me at www.nicolabeer.com

 

P.S If you are struggling in your relationship right now and not sure what to do next. Message me and I will send you information on how to book your free 30 minute consultation. Where we can discuss your biggest obstacles to happiness and how to overcome them.

Remember Michael Jackson’s Hit Man in the Mirror?

CHANGE YOUR WAYS TO CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

If there were any lyrics that best describes today’s message it would be from Michael Jackson’s 1987 hit song ‘Man in the Mirror’ “I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways and no message could have been any clearer – if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change.” You might ask yourself what does this classic pop song have to do with my relationship but if you take the time to really listen to the words the underlying message is loud and clear; to make our world a better place we need to start by looking at ourselves first and making an internal change. Whilst many of us are familiar with ‘the law of attraction’ – which states that we attract certain things into our life based on what we think (whether conscious or unconscious), there is another universal law which explains this concept perfectly; the law of reflection.

THE LAW OF REFLECTION

Carl Jung once said “If there is anything we could change in a child, we should first examine and see whether it is not something that could be better changed in ourselves” If you replace the word child for partner it basically says that we can change our partner but only by changing ourselves first. Read that again. We can only change others by first changing ourselves. What I love about that quote is that when we take the time to really think about what’s going on with us first and we have the courage to do the inner work to change ourselves for the better, our relationships will change in an effortless way. Think about it for a minute, wouldn’t it be nice for your relationship to change without you pushing, striving and trying to change your partner. How many less arguments would you have? Would your life be more peaceful? Wouldn’t it be great if your partner just changed for the better with no real effort? Well, that’s the law of reflection. When you change, they change too.

This is how one person can save their marriage on their own and why so many men and women join the online 10 week Save My Marriage Program by themselves.  The Save My Marriage Program is a relationship-transforming program, that starts in January and a wait list is starting now.  If you are interested in either, don’t hesitate to contact me. All you need is an internet access and the desire to improve your situation. Oh, and you can do it with or without your spouse.

Have a great week, from my heart to yours Nicola

Nicola Beer

Marriage Transformation Specialist and Founder of Save My Marriage Program

I specialize in a proven 10 step program to help couples increase the love, passion and happiness in their marriage in 30 days or less…Guaranteed!

Contact or find out more about me at www.nicolabeer.com

 

P.S Struggling in Your Marriage? Get the FREE Report – 7 Secrets to Saving Your Marriage!  And learn

  • The 6 Essential Keys to Keeping a Marriage Happy
  • How to Increase Love, Happiness and Passion in your marriage in less than 2 weeks!
  • How to Motivate and Inspire Your Spouse To Change
  • How to Overcome Past Hurt, Resentment, so You can Rebuild Respect & Trust

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Marriage Counseling Dubai and Online, Marriage Counselor, Relationship Counseling, Coaching, Dubai, Addictions, Anger, PTSD. Stress, Alcoholism,

Nicola Beer is based in Dubai, UAE, Middle East, Expat Community

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